Roger Varley has been in the news business almost 40 years with The Canadian Press/Broadcast News, Uxbnridge Times-Journal, Richmond Hill Liberal and Uxbridge Cosmos. Co-winner with two others of CCNA national feature writing award. In Scout movement over 30 years, almost 25 as a leader. Took Uxbridge youths to World Jamboree in Holland. Involved in community theatre for 20 years as actor, director, playwright, stage manager etc. Born in England, came to Canada at 16, lived most of life north and east of Toronto with a five-year period in B.C.
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It's good to be back
First, a disclaimer. I am a member of OnStage Uxbridge and I am in the cast of that organization's current production, The Importance of Being Earnest. The following column can be viewed as a blatant promotion for both OnStage and myself.
A week ago, I strode onto the stage at Uxbridge's Music Hall for the first time in almost six years. I loved it.
I retired from acting in 2003 after performing the role of Scrooge in A Christmas Carol. My director (and now my editor), Conrad Boyce, chose to announce my retirement to the audience after the final performance - much to my embarrassment.
The reason I retired from acting was simple: simple terror. I always had an incredible case of nerves while waiting in the wings, but by the time Scrooge came along, those nerves had expanded into the realm of panic attacks days before the performance. I'd be driving somewhere and the panic attack would surge over me and I'd have to pull over to the shoulder of the road until it subsided somewhat. I was having trouble sleeping.
The panic attacks stemmed from a fear that one night I was going to go totally blank on stage. All actors, at some time or another, have momentary lapses of memory on stage, but most of the time can work themselves out of trouble. My fear was of total blankness, standing on stage gibbering in front of a house full of paying customers, not knowing what to say or what to do. Since that was the last thing I wanted to happen, I retired before it could.
Nevertheless, the acting bug has been gnawing at me ever since. I've seen plays come along with parts that I would love to have done, but the fear wouldn't let me try out for them.
Then, last summer, as part of the 100 Years of Anne celebrations, the play Anne was staged at the old Leaskdale church and I thought I would like to be a part of what I considered a little bit of Uxbridge history. So I auditioned for - and earned - the role of Matthew Cuthbert.
The production was a delight. Since it was performed in the church, there were no lighting or sound effects, no wings, no sets and little in the way of stage dressing or props. The audiences were, due to the seating capacity of the church, small and intimate. There was, in fact, no fear.
And so, based on that experience, I finally decided to try a comeback at the Music Hall and earned the role of Merriman the butler in Earnest. Whether or not my performance is good, I don't know: I have not yet read Anthony Holt's review, which appears elsewhere in this paper. But it is a good way to return to the stage. The role is small and fun. It is, however, physically taxing, given that I am required to do a lot of furniture moving and, in the final act, have to stand almost motionless for a good 20 minutes. Try it some time and you'll see what I mean.
The good thing, though, is that the fear appears to have disappeared. I still have nerves in the wings while waiting for the show to start, but that I can live with. And the best part of being back on stage, of course, is the curtain call. No one can fully explain to the uninitiated the feeling one has while standing on stage under the lights, listening to and receiving the applause. It is intoxicating.
I sometimes think it would be marvellous if everyone could receive applause from an appreciative audience for a job well done. It's one thing for your boss to call you into the office to compliment you on your work: it's quite another to receive that compliment, in the form of applause, from a large group of people.
It seems to me we all might strive a little harder at work - or school - if we knew that, at the end of the day, we were going to be roundly applauded for our efforts.
Tell me, am I wrong?
